So thats what really happens. There is a man inside the ATM dispensing the money. So much for technology.
Funny Bank Man ATM Photo
So thats what really happens. There is a man inside the ATM dispensing the money. So much for technology.
Einstein and His Chauffeur Funny Joke
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
"I have and idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."
"I have and idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."
Homeless Man and Pope Joke
This guy goes to see the Pope as he was visiting in Europe. There is a huge crowd of people there but he manages to get through.
He watches at the Pope stops every once in a while to whisper something in a their ear. He was dressed in his best suit because he really wanted the Pope to talk to him but, as the Pope came up to him, he walked right by and stopped by a guy near him who was homeless and dressed in rags.
So, the man says to himself, "I know why he stopped at him, he's homeless!" So the man pays the homeless guy 50 dollars to use his clothes and he goes back the next day.
Well, this time the Pope stopped at him, leaned over, and whispered, "I thought I told you to get out of here yesterday!
He watches at the Pope stops every once in a while to whisper something in a their ear. He was dressed in his best suit because he really wanted the Pope to talk to him but, as the Pope came up to him, he walked right by and stopped by a guy near him who was homeless and dressed in rags.
So, the man says to himself, "I know why he stopped at him, he's homeless!" So the man pays the homeless guy 50 dollars to use his clothes and he goes back the next day.
Well, this time the Pope stopped at him, leaned over, and whispered, "I thought I told you to get out of here yesterday!
Honest Child and Expectant Mother
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
The Funny Telephone Lineman Joke
The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before, and the next day he went to work not feeling too good.
He climbed to the top of the first pole and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped them. He had to climb all the way down to retrieve them.
As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, a small boy who was standing there said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn't have to climb down the pole if he dropped one of them".
The lineman tied to ignore the boy and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About his time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail. As he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it. So he slowly climbed down the pole and sure enough the little boy was still standing there.
He said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have carried two hammers so if he had lost one he wouldn't have to climb down".
This irritated the lineman, but he ignored the boy and climbed back up the pole to finish his work. He was no sooner up the pole when he had to go to the bathroom, so down he climbs from the pole and goes over to the bushes to take a leak. As he was relieving himself he saw the little boy watching him through the bushes.
He'd had it with this kid so he says to him, "I'll bet your dad doesn't have two of these, does he?"
The boy replied, "No, but his would make two of yours".
He climbed to the top of the first pole and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped them. He had to climb all the way down to retrieve them.
As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, a small boy who was standing there said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn't have to climb down the pole if he dropped one of them".
The lineman tied to ignore the boy and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About his time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail. As he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it. So he slowly climbed down the pole and sure enough the little boy was still standing there.
He said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have carried two hammers so if he had lost one he wouldn't have to climb down".
This irritated the lineman, but he ignored the boy and climbed back up the pole to finish his work. He was no sooner up the pole when he had to go to the bathroom, so down he climbs from the pole and goes over to the bushes to take a leak. As he was relieving himself he saw the little boy watching him through the bushes.
He'd had it with this kid so he says to him, "I'll bet your dad doesn't have two of these, does he?"
The boy replied, "No, but his would make two of yours".
The Male Brain Diagram
And a diagram of the Male Brain. What are they saying? That men just have sex on the brain? Hard to believe.
The Female Brain Diagram
The anatomy and diagram of the Female Brain. Accurate? Maybe. Funny? For sure.
Have Faith in God Joke
There was a very religious man named Bob, who lived near a river. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Bob was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat came along and told Bob to get in the boat with him.
Bob said, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
So, the man in the boat drove off.
The water rose higher, so Bobclimbed onto his roof. At that time, another boat came along, and the person in that one told Bob to get in.
Bob replied, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
The person in the boat then left.
The water rose even more, and Bob climbed onto his chimney. A helicopter came along and lowered a ladder for him. The woman in the helicopter told Bob to climb up the ladder and get in.
Bob said, "That's okay."
The woman said, "Are you sure?"
Bob replied, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me."
Finally, the water rose too high and Bob drowned. Bob got to heaven and was face-to-face with God.
Bob said to God, "You told me that you would take care of me! What happened?"
God replied, "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"
Bob said, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
So, the man in the boat drove off.
The water rose higher, so Bobclimbed onto his roof. At that time, another boat came along, and the person in that one told Bob to get in.
Bob replied, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
The person in the boat then left.
The water rose even more, and Bob climbed onto his chimney. A helicopter came along and lowered a ladder for him. The woman in the helicopter told Bob to climb up the ladder and get in.
Bob said, "That's okay."
The woman said, "Are you sure?"
Bob replied, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me."
Finally, the water rose too high and Bob drowned. Bob got to heaven and was face-to-face with God.
Bob said to God, "You told me that you would take care of me! What happened?"
God replied, "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"
A Boy and a Pharmacist Joke
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection.
The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious."
The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious."
The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
New Statue For Your House
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
Funny One Hell of a Traffic Jam Photo
Now that is one hell of a traffic jam on this highway. Id call it a freeway, but it aint moving so fast. Id hate to think how many more cars need to turn around to avoiud whatever chaos is ahead. Im glad im not stuck there. I hate traffic. This is one of the reasons why. I can laugh, cos im not in it.
Stretch the Gas Bowser Hose
Right, the solution here in my opinion, if you want to listen old timer is this: Move your car a little closer to the bowser, or turn your car in the opposite direction. It really doesnt pay to stretch the gas hose to your tank does it? Just a little bit dangerous. Some people are just crazy though. Good that someone was there to take this photo.
True Life Really Stupid Australian Driver
A Darwin man has been fined $2,000 for filming himself masturbating while speeding along the Stuart Highway.
The man is already in jail until August after pleading guilty to carrying cannabis in the car boot and two plants on the back seat.
Brenton Alan Erhardt, 39, pleaded guilty in the Darwin Magistrates Court to dangerous driving.
He was pulled over by police on the Stuart Highway in July speeding at 147 kilometres per hour, south of Daly Waters.
He admitted to officers he filmed himself masturbating while driving from Adelaide to Darwin.
He also pleaded guilty to driving unlicensed, carrying two cannabis smoking pipes, administering the drug and carrying a loaded rifle.
Magistrate Sue Oliver says the driving was bizarre to say the least and conduct she expects of someone much younger.
The man is already in jail until August after pleading guilty to carrying cannabis in the car boot and two plants on the back seat.
Brenton Alan Erhardt, 39, pleaded guilty in the Darwin Magistrates Court to dangerous driving.
He was pulled over by police on the Stuart Highway in July speeding at 147 kilometres per hour, south of Daly Waters.
He admitted to officers he filmed himself masturbating while driving from Adelaide to Darwin.
He also pleaded guilty to driving unlicensed, carrying two cannabis smoking pipes, administering the drug and carrying a loaded rifle.
Magistrate Sue Oliver says the driving was bizarre to say the least and conduct she expects of someone much younger.
Stupid Workers Dig Holes Joke
There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole. The other would come behind him and fill the hole.
These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing.
Finally he had to ask them. He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing.
Finally he had to ask them. He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
Playing Doctor and Nurse Joke
The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."
"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"
"Nothing" she said "He made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."
"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"
"Nothing" she said "He made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."
The Frog and Soldier Joke
A warrant officer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The warrant officer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the warrant officer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The warrant officer said, "Look I'm an warrant officer. I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The warrant officer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the warrant officer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The warrant officer said, "Look I'm an warrant officer. I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Funny How to Walk Your Dog Photo
This really is the cheats way to walk your dog. Taking the car out and hanging the leash outside the car. I hope you dont go too much faster you cheater. Whats wrong with walking yourself?
Really Funny Blonde Horse Riding Joke
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons.
She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
.
She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
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Barbie Gets a Divorce Joke
Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.
He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?" The Manager replied, "Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Nightclub for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $375.00."
"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?!?", Ralph asked surprised.
The Manager replies, "Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."
He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?" The Manager replied, "Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Nightclub for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $375.00."
"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?!?", Ralph asked surprised.
The Manager replies, "Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."
Funny Underwater Scuba Ironing
Who wouldnt want to iron underwater while scuba diving. Just a question, where do you plug the iron in? And dont they know that electricity and water dont mix?
Quick Funny Accountant & Doctor Joke
A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?" The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant." "Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?" The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant." "Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."
Funny Pig Mototocycle Photo
Its not often you see a big guy riding a pig motorcycle is it? Im not sure why a motorbike would be dressed up like a pig, but strange things happen all the time.
Nothing To Worry About Plane Joke
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. "Good lord!" he screamed, "one of the engines just blew up!"
Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. T
he passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft.
There, he grabbed several packages from under the seatsand began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attatched the package to their backs.
"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't tho se parachutes?" The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?" "There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."
Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. T
he passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft.
There, he grabbed several packages from under the seatsand began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attatched the package to their backs.
"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't tho se parachutes?" The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?" "There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."
Funny Pants Down Mannequin Photo
I think some rude shopper has been having some fun, pulling down this boys mannequin trousers or shorts. Some people have a good sense of humor.
Jose the Bullfighter Joke
After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around on the roof.
Four of the firemen held a safety-net and urged him to escape from the burning building by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who fears nothing, not even fire."
The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail. Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same phrase over and over until the firemen got really sick and tired of hearing it.
Finally, when the flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted, "Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.
Four of the firemen held a safety-net and urged him to escape from the burning building by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who fears nothing, not even fire."
The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail. Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same phrase over and over until the firemen got really sick and tired of hearing it.
Finally, when the flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted, "Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.
Not so Funny Diving Mistake Photo
Yes, you shouldnt laugh at the pain of this woman who has misjudged her dive and landed head first on the diving board. Ive only put this photo up so you know what not to laugh at. This is not funny ok?
The Skull Of St Patrick Joke
An American tourist travelling in Dublin came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick.
Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself.
Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the antique shop owner if he had any more bargains.
"I've got the very thing for you," said the Irishman. "It's the genuine skull of Saint Patrick".
"You swindler!" shouted the American. "You sold me that ten years ago," and, producing the skull, added, "Look, they're not even the same size!"
"You have it all wrong," said the Irishman. "This is the skull of Saint Patrick when he was a lad."
Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself.
Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the antique shop owner if he had any more bargains.
"I've got the very thing for you," said the Irishman. "It's the genuine skull of Saint Patrick".
"You swindler!" shouted the American. "You sold me that ten years ago," and, producing the skull, added, "Look, they're not even the same size!"
"You have it all wrong," said the Irishman. "This is the skull of Saint Patrick when he was a lad."
Mexican Fisherman & American Businessman Parable
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American businessman tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. "Not very long," answered the Mexican.
"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the tourist. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.
The tourist asked, "So what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, spend time with my wife... In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, chase the senoritas, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."
The tourist said, "I have a M.B.A. from Stanford and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the tourist.
"And after that?" asked the Mexican.
"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really?" asked the Mexican. "And after that?"
The tourist replied, "After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, spend time with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!"
"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the tourist. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.
The tourist asked, "So what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, spend time with my wife... In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, chase the senoritas, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."
The tourist said, "I have a M.B.A. from Stanford and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the tourist.
"And after that?" asked the Mexican.
"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really?" asked the Mexican. "And after that?"
The tourist replied, "After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, spend time with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!"
Quick Jokes Drowning Lawyer
If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you read the paper or go to lunch?
Slightly Used Computer for Sale Photo
Would you buy this used computer? Could this computer possibly still be working? Held together by tape, its certainly seen better days.
Christian Couple Get Married in Heaven Joke
A devout, good christian couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to get married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union.
He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait. It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things went on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together.
They went back to St. Peter, and said: "We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter. "It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I will never get a lawyer!"
He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait. It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things went on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together.
They went back to St. Peter, and said: "We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter. "It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I will never get a lawyer!"
Medical Student Application Joke
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school.
"Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be ten years from now?"
"Well, let's see," said the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."
"Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be ten years from now?"
"Well, let's see," said the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."
Fireman Needs a Chair to Rest
The resting fireman, fighting fires from the comfort of a chair. Yes, this isnt something you want to see is it? It doesnt look like he has a massive commitment to his job. Alas, i fear that this house has probably had it, and all he has to do is keep a constant stream of water on it to stop it from spreading. So why not have a sit down, its not like he can do anything else.
Funny New Motorbike Helmet
Who would have thought that a regular blue plastic bowl could double as a Motorycycle Helmet? This guy obviously thinks that it offers some protection if he has a bike crash. I dont think so, it doesnt have any straps for a start. I think maybe he is just carrying the bowl, and on his head seemed to be the easiset way.
Funny Guy Knitting on the Subway
A Guy Knitting on the Subway? Ive seen it all. It looks like he has knitted all his own clothes, check out that nifty hat, vest and pants. Its actually pretty good. This guy has some talent. Not something you see every day is it? Id make a category of funny knitting photos but im not sure that there will be too many more.
Funny Frozen Icy Bike Photo
Yes, this bike was left out in the cold, and got all frozen and icy. Theres a lesson for you kids in that. Dont leave your toys and things outside, this is what could happen.
Funny Cheap Half Price Car
You would expect to pay half price for only half a car wouldnt you? Although, in saying that, this is the back half, and doesnt come with an engine, so it should be a third. But i get the joke. Clever people.
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