Husband: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
Wife: "No problem, I'll get you some that is."
We try to keep him out of the kitchen.
Last time he cooked he burned the salad.
Why don't men eat between meals.
There *IS* no "between" meals.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
What is the definition of an inconsiderate husband?
One who wins a trip to Paris and goes by himself, twice.
How do women define a 50/50 relationship?
We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirt; We iron/ they wrinkle.
How are men like noodles?
They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Why don't men do laundry?
Cause the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!
What do you call a woman that works like a man??
A Lazy bitch.
Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going.
What's the difference between a man and a cow?
One brain cell that prevents them from shitting all over the place!
Did you hear about the baby born with both sexes?
It had a penis AND a brain!
Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why are men like popcorn?
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.